let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
