just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
