Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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