I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
