I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
