piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
