His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
