You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
