I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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