everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
