Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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