I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
