I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
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the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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