Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
