He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
