i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
