My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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