Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
