Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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