If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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