the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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