My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
