Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
