i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
