my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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