Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
