If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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