I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
