I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
