She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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