Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
