I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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