a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
