where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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