Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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