The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
