You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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