There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
