I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
