so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
