porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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