My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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