I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
