you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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