toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
