HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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