Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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