i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
