Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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