Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
