Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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