my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
