you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
handjob tips. give me some.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
