i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
