You're my little dorito
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
