so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
