she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
