is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
