So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
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