found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
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I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
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You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left