he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.