is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.