my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
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Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.