Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
