I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
