that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.