I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
