P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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