Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
