Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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