a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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