He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
