I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
smell my finger.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
