I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just had sex bonerless
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
